Congratulations, you've made it through the most emotional time of the season! Hopefully this try-out season ended with your son or daughter being able to achieve their goal of making the level they wanted. For some, this isn’t the case. Either way, you should sit back and think to yourself... what now?

    We have outlined 3 situations that require some finesse to insure the next few months of the season aren't wasted. The first and the most surprising to make the list, your child made the team he or she dreamt of making but didn't expect. Next, your child lands where they had expected. Finally and the most touchy situation to handle, If they were released.

Situation #1-THE STRUGGLE

    After the surprise of making the team your child could only dream of making, it will surely have him on cloud nine, at least for a little while. If all goes to plan, your son or daughter plays great, keeps their team in games, wins games they’re suppose to and even some that they aren’t.

    What if they struggle, what if they give up a few easy goals early on, what now? Is your child ready for the looks from the other kids when he's in net? Is he ready for the other kids when they start comparing him to the guy they let go? Are you ready for the remarks in the stands?

    In all likelihood he is no longer playing with any of his peers from previous years so he has little to no support. Ideally, the coach is on top of this before it starts. Unfortunately, the reality of it all, mom or dad will have to come to the rescue. Will you be ready? Do you know what you will say?

    The tendency for most people would be to answer with fluff. For example, saying things such as “it's okay, things will get better, don't listen to the other kids”, etc. These are all nice things to say but your child is in a tough place right now and will have a hard time believing you. The key is to get their confidence back on track.

    Explain to them the reality that everyone goes thru ups and downs, the question is what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit there and mope about how bad you’re doing? How mean the kids are? Kids can be mean and struggles happen, it’s important to move forward, concentrate on what you can. Which is yourself. You choose how to handle the circumstances.

    Discuss with them that they were chosen for the team fair and square, they deserve to be there. You can also mention that they've worked hard all summer to get to this point...now it's time to enjoy the fact that they made it! As far as the other kids go, the reality is often kids who bully others don’t get enough attention at home, have crazy expectations on themselves or simply aren’t mature enough. Your child needs to know it has little if anything to do with them and a lot to do with the others.

    While this maybe be easier said than done, as with a hockey game, solid team effort should do the trick! Hopefully, the coaches are approachable and you can ask them to have a one on one with your child. If the coach won't, give your goalie coach a call and ask him to do the same. The message will be more powerful when heard from multiple sources, especially from a coach whom they value. With any luck, your child will overcome any self-doubt they had and be back to form in no time.

Situation #2- THE STATUS QUO

    Your child makes the team they expected to make, no real stress, try-outs went well and the season is around the corner...what's the worry?

    To answer that question, I will relate it to how we live our lives. Assume that your are established in your field, you've been with your company for a few years, work has become stagnant but you’re accustomed to this way of living and standard of life.

    I know you’re going to work and do your best, but are you going to work every day to improve yourself? Are you willing to take risks, try new things, set challenging goals...or are you content? Don't get me wrong, I am all for appreciating what you have, so long as at the end of most days you are happy with your day.

    My point here is, complacency is like a weed...it grows slowly at first and isn't very noticeable but before you know it, the single weed has multiplied and destroyed your entire garden. If you do the same things over and over again, you will get the same results...if you are happy with your current results then keep doing the same things. If you are not, then challenge yourself daily until you have what you want.

Situation #3- BEING RELEASED

    Every year children get released and are disappointed. To us, being released isn't the end of the world but how it’s handled can make it so. The next couple of weeks will be very critical to your child's future success. Similar to that of a hostage situation, say the right thing no one gets hurt, say the wrong thing and you risk an explosion going off!. ...ok maybe a slight exaggeration but you get the drift.

    Regardless of why your child was released: politics, not big enough, coaches son’s friends on the team, evaluator doesn’t like your style, coach doesn’t like your parents, evaluators give the other child private lessons, the list goes on and on. Being released is not the end of the world especially in novice, atom and peewee. It's a bit more serious in bantam and midget but only a bit. The only way that being released can be a serious issue, is when you, the parents, handle the situation poorly. Yes, I am holding the parents accountable. If you have ever blamed politics, you’re guilty.

Politics may very well play a factor in your child not making the team. They may have been as good, a bit better or when politics are involved, a lot better than then the other goaltender. Regardless, there is nothing you can do to make matters better, anything you say to the association will only be held against you. When it hurts our child, it hurts us, making your child feel better in the short term will only hurt them in the long term.

    An invaluable lesson is to teach your child to let go of what they cannot control and focus on what they can. If you tell your child politics are the reason they were released, they will feel better in the short run. However, long run, this attitude is poissoness. If handled this way, your child will learn that they don't have a chance,so why try, they'll learn to make excuses, to blame others in any case they will learn a life lesson that will only harm them down the line.

    I'm not saying that your child should not be told about politics, on the contrary, they should learn that life isn't always fair and that they will have to be twice as good as the other guy to make it happen.

    Regardless of the reason your child was released, there is always a great learning opportunity behind it. In the case of wrongfully being cut it should be a strong motivation too. Approaching the situation the right way will allow you to get your child to do whatever you want! Make them clean the house, anything! Okay maybe not anything, but it is a good time for them to change old habits and replace them with better ones.

    For example, if your child doesn't do their best at practice, now would be the time to explain to them (in the right tone, not the typical "I told you so" tone) that if they really want to make a jump next year, they will have to work harder in practice on a consistent basis. Another example would be if your child is too hard on themselves, now is the time for them to learn that they won't always be perfect and that's ok. Regardless of the habit, now is the time to do it.

RECURRING RELEASES

    What if your child did really well in try-outs, even better than the others but got released because your son or daughter had a poor reputation or that they were playing single letters in years past. What if this has been the case for a couple of years now, your child gets released but this time does what you ask of them to do and still doesn't make it. While these situations are a lot tougher for individuals to handle because you've done what you thought was required from you and still it didn't pan out.

    To me, the first thing is consult someone whom you trust, knows the position and will be straight forward with you. This way you can see if yes, there is more that is needed to be done or not. One of life's toughest lessons is that sometimes you do everything right, everything you are suppose to do, yet things still don't work out.

If you really want something, you will have to be persistent, never letting what other people say affect what you think of yourself. Building character and believing in yourself for no other reason than knowing your worth, is always a good lesson to learn.

CONCLUSION

    The good thing about being cut is the opportunity to learn life lessons, even if difficult at the time, long term, will serve your children well both in hockey and in life. While it may be tough now, give it time and it will serve your child a lot more than those who were complacent, enabled and left to feel better right away…

    One of my favourite quotes of all time comes from a parent I’ve known forever, Craig. “Parents believe their kids to be delicate flowers whom need protection and perfect situations to flower, when the reality is our children are more like weeds whom even if they get trampled on, with the basic support are resilient and come out stronger.”